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Game Stop 2
(Ring) Hello? (LPC voice is warbling throughout call) Yeah, this is Harrison, over at Game Stop. What are you doing here? Over at Game Stop? Yeah. I'm here at Game Stop, on Leetsdale, and we're looking for people to take part in a tournament we got, Fourth of July, we pay everybody 250 dollars... Everyone who enters gets 250 dollars?! Yes, cash money. Yes indeed, yes sir. July fourth... Cash money? Yeah, July fourth from 1PM to 5PM, here on Leetsdale Road. Was wondering if you knew anybody who we could recruit, get 'em signed up, and get playing. I do! I do! You do. Oh okay, are you any good? Oh yeah. I'm really good. I'm really excited to go. Alright, uh let's see. How much you do you weigh? Probably about... 140? Now, I wanted to make sure you're gonna fit, and make sure where you're gonna sit, and (warbling continues)... What's- what's going on with your voice there? My voice? I can't take part, because I work here. I'm excluded. Is that what you mean? Oh. Okay. So you can't play the games. I'm not allowed, because I'm an employee, is that what you're asking? Yeah. Because if I did, no offense, you wouldn't stand a chance against me, uh... Oh, I think I'd put ya down, real quick. No, you ever heard of Counter Strike? Yeah. Yeah, I'm probably the best in the country, best player. No, I'm the top player. On Counter Strike? I'm the top player in Counter Strike. Yeah. No. I'm sorry, not compared to me, you're not. So, but, you don't have to worry, because I'm... I'm a Global Elite. That's fine. I'm a Global Elite. Uh, that's fine, I got people offering me uh, thousands of dollars for tips and secrets, and so, I don't think you'd really compare, but don't worry because you're not playing me, you're playing other people, you understand? That's why I say you wouldn't last more than a couple minutes, you'd be defeated, you'd be destroyed. If I were playin' ya. Who, me? Yes. Is this a Counter Strike tournament? Yes. No, I would become...I would win, I would come on top. What makes you say that? I'm a Global Elite, okay? Do you know what that is? I don't think you know what it is! I'm the top player in Counter Strike, I'm the top! Well, We've never engaged in combat, if we did, you'd be taken down several notches. H'ok-uh'k-huh-huh... Uh, if I engaged in combat with you, I'd one-tap ya ass, bud, across the map! I'm number one. I just am. I slay. Uh... Any opponent? Slayed. Any challenger? Slayed. I'm a slayer, and uh, that's what you need to remember. Look, I thought this was about some tournament, what's going on here? It is, but you're telling me you're involved in elitism and, I don't know if that's the spirit of the tournament. The tournament is good-natured, I dunno if we want elitism, necessarily. ' Well you started it, you started talking all this trash! '''I'm not gonna talk strategy with ya, that's cheating. Because if I told you my strategy, you would have such a tremendous advantage that, you would win the grand prize. Which is a Dodge Neon. Twenty ''eighteen, Dodge Neon, but... (Gasp) Okay, um... [wavering cough] Can you put me down for the tournament? Yeah I've got you down here, and you say you weigh two hundred 'n' forty pounds? ' One-forty! One-forty! '''One hundred and forty pounds, okay. And so you're uh, intermediate? A novice? ' I'm a master. 'Well, I mean-' I'm a Global Elite. '''So versus me you're a, you're an intermediate, is what you're saying? Uhhhhh... No, see, I'd take you down, I'd take you out. Oh-''' Every time. Every time you pop up on my screen, boom, annihilated. You're out. I'm better than you, I'm trying to tell you that! 'I would bring you to the depths, so you'd be slayed, and then you'd brought down ''so far below the depths, you'd be... Decimated. By my skill and my advantage that I have, that's why I'm here, who works at, uh, Game Stop, me or you? SFX I guess you do. That's accurate. Whoa. That's the first accurate thing that you've said. And so you weigh, three-forty? Two-forty! One forty! One-forty, 'kay we've got some players who are... Very rotund... And you're a novice? Well that's okay, we take everybody. A novice? I'm telling you I'm a master, I'm a Global Elite! Do you know what a Global Elite is? Have you ever played Counter Strike before? I thought you were good. I'm beyond Global Elite, sir. I'm in the stratosphere. You can't...You can't get past Global Elite. I'm in the stratosphere, here. You're in the stratosphere? Oh, big time. (SFX) What the hell? What does that mean? I'm the Great Annihilator, so you're fortunate in that way that you don't have to face me as an opponent. It'd be total decimation. I think that you're fortunate that you don't have to face me. 'Cause I would... DESTROY you, pal. In Counter Strike? Huh? In Counter Strike? Oh, yeah. You would destroy me? Oh, yeah. (LPC laughs, SFX on laughter) Woah. What's going on with your phone there? I've told you before, I'm not eligible to be, in the tournament. I KNOW! You've said that already! But you keep asking me 'What's my story?' and 'What's up with me?' and you don't have to worry, because your not gonna face me. I'm trying to explain... No, your voice, your voice is going (Imitating pitch changes) up and down like thiiiissss? You're just not prepared, for me. You've never had to deal with... See there, it's doing it again. It's doing it again! You've never had to confront someone like me. What?? I wear gloves, I wear pads, I get into it. I, I have gloves in game, okay? Uh, not like this. I get into it. I decimate my opponent- I wear gloves, I wear goggles, I wear a visor. Well guess what? I'm a fucking wrist player, I wear goggles too. I wear the fucking Gunnars, the MLG Gunnars, okay? (LPC SFX) They fucking, they make you, so you can, it's all zoomed in? I can, I can see you before you see me, pal And then I'll deck you! Deck you straight in the head. Annihilated! Off my screen. Every time! Your avatar would dissolve, and disintegrate, facing me on the battlefield. No. No, no. No? No. No! What do you mean, "no"? No! No, you're wrong! You're wrong! I would- I would DESTROY you! I would decimate, and pulverize, and dissolve your avatar, so quickly, that you wouldn't even register the score. No, no, no, see, my ''score... Is gonna be higher, I'm gonna get more frags, I'm gonna out-frag you, and uh... If we 1v1, I would win. '''I'm a wizard. I'm a sorcerer.' Well, I- I'll- I'm gonna win the tournament, so you're speaking to the winner of the tournament right now. Good. SFX And then I'm gonna be... Coming to your door, for a 1v1 money match. How does that sound? continues That's uh, if and when. That's a ''big if' ''and a big when.' Ohh... What the heck? '(LPC laughs, SFX on laughter)' You're like... Echoing really badly, it's weird. 'SFX continues throughout...' Whoa... Listen, after I'm ridin' around in my Dodge Neon, I'm gonna come over... To the Game Stop... And I'm gonna lay, say a hundred and fifty bucks. On the table. Alright? And then, we'll 1v1, and we'll see who's the real master. At Counter Strike, huh? There's going to be money thrown down, that I'm gonna take from you, does that make sense? '''I'm gonna slice and dice your avatar. I just am. ' No, no bud. That's not how it's gonna work. What- what rank are you even? That's absurd. I'm beyond elite, I'm stratospheric. ''' I don't believe you. '''And you're gonna be very unprepared, on the battlefield. Very unprepared. Oh, no. I'm prepared, pal, I... I could take you out, one shot, every time. Not if you don't see me-''' I'm a Global Elite. 'You'll be dissolved. As soon as you hit 'start', as soon as you hit 'go', you'll be dissolved. ' Um, no, that's not even possible. '''Okay, don't say I didn't warn ya. laughter Um... laughter I'm not scared of your warning, pal, I'm gonna be taking your money. I'm not even gonna bring any, 'cause I won't need it. I won't n-''' Any money? 'I won't need any money, no. 'Cause I'm an-' What are you talking about? '''I'm an annihilator. You'll be dissolved. No, I'm the annihilator. continues... I will destroy you! And if you wanna lose some money, out there, around... Where did you say, Leetsdale? After I win my 2018 Dodge Neon because- Yes. -I assure you. I am going to be the victor. I will 1v1 you, for... Money. Straight money, okay? Two hundred dollars. How does that sound? You'll be paying me two hundred dollars? Fine, fine and dandy. ' No. We're gonna each put 200 dollars up for grabs, whoever wins gets the 400 dollars. How does that sound? '''Sounds like you're-' Or are you scared? Are you scared? '''Sounds like you're lookin' to spend some money, is what it sounds like. Nooo, no. You're gonna be losing, pal. Tell you what, you're gonna get destroyed, bud. Just get prepared, is all I can say. SFX Uh, I... I could not not play until July 4th and still beat you. You might as well not play at all, because that'd be the end result. I'm an annihilator. into microphone Oh, wow. Wooow. Yeah, I don't think so. As long as you understand, what you're gettin' into. Understand what? I'm not scared. That you should save a lotta money up. Because I'll be taking it. Alright? Okay. Alright, how much do you wanna wager there? You can set the amount, I'll make sure I bring a big bag to put it all in. Haha, you're a funny guy, you know that? You're a funny guy. Alright, cool, uh... I'm looking forward to driving my new car. Can't wait.